Funky Funkerson

That's been me. I have tried really hard but have had a prevailing bad mood. Friday night I arrived home from work to find that the heat pump and furnace components had arrived. Great! But then Dale informs me that after my 8:00am hair appointment he needs me to take the kids and keep them out of the house so he can work on this project with a friend. For some reason going shopping at the all on a Saturday sounds like an entertaining way to spend the day. I head to the mall around 11:00 armed with a list of the things I need to purchase. I rarely go into the mall except for Target. Amelia and I enter the mall and she immediately spots the car/stroller thing-a-ma-doo-bobbers. Oh, you have to pay to use them now. I never carry cash so we walk all the way down to the ATM. Which is a good 5 minute walk, get our cash and return to the cars, it only takes $1 or $5 dollar bills. Not my crisp new $20 bill. We turn around and head to Target to purchase some gum so I will have the necessary bills. Oh, look there's an ATM right behind me. I am so 'mall naive'. We purchase our mints, get our change and go back to the car/strollers for the third time. I am carefully reading and following the instructions. Insert your $5 dollars and when you return the cart you will receive a $1 dollar refund. $4 flippin dollars to push this monstrosity through the mall! What a bargain. First stop is the crazy busy Bath and Body Works. Force my way through running over a few sales peoples toes with my 'minuscule' shopping cart. Next stop, find Dale some summer clothes. As I'm trying to find Dale's size in anything halfway decent, Amelia is emptying her entire bag of Goldfish crackers on the store floor. I quietly and discreetly but the crackers backs in the bag (for later use). Next stop, find me some shorts. This is so hard to shop for. You have the choice of the 1 1/2 inch inseam or the Bermuda (which look like Capri's on me). It's a no go. I forgot to mention Amelia is in the throes of potty training. I have been distracted this whole time praying she doesn't pee on the floor or her fancy $4 ride. In Target she announces she needs to 'poo' so we head to the bathroom with our car/stroller. Push our way in and take up half the bathroom. Amelia decides she wants to do it all by herself while I hold the door. She screams at me every time I take peek. Somehow she manages to hop off the toilet and lock the stall with out me noticing. Then she panics when I can't open the door and crawls under the door before I can stop her with a lil something pinched between her cheeks. Ahhhh! After a little clean up, car/stroller flipping over on it's self it's time to return the stroller. I really wanted to just push it out to the car and leave it in the parking lot instead of getting my measly dollar back but I restrained. I arrived home at 2:00. I had another 4 hours to kill. Today, same story. By dinnertime I have created a new cocktail. It's called a 'Dirty Shirley' and you can email me for the recipe.